I was diagnosed with cancer in late 2013. After experiencing numerous episodes of blood in my urine, I went to the doctor. There they found a tumor 15 centimeters in diameter and diagnosed me with stage 3 kidney cancer. I was shocked and also naïve about what I would face in the following months.
Within days I had one kidney removed, and I later found out that it was an extremely dangerous surgery. After the surgery, there were 4 months where I had to learn to walk again because of all the nerve damage and scarring from the surgery. To this day I still have a 20-centimeter scar on my belly. The scar I see every day is a constant reminder of what I endured.
Then, in late 2015, I was diagnosed with grade 3 brain cancer. After receiving the diagnosis, my world seemed to stand still. How was this possible at my age? What was I supposed to do now? Could I do it all over again only two years later? The answer for me was, "Yes." What choice did I have? My family was depending on me. I had to show them the real hardships of life and teach them how to deal with them and do what was necessary to persevere. This time I underwent an awake brain craniotomy, which is the removal of part of the skull.
The 18 months following the surgery were brutal, but I am a survivor! Here are some insights into how I coped and tips I found helpful in maintaining positivity during my cancer journey:
1: Embrace the power of mindset.
Your mindset is a powerful tool. I believe it is important to have a positive attitude, believe in your ability to overcome challenges, visualize your success and focus on the moments of joy, no matter how small they may seem. During my recovery from cancer, my joy came from watching my young children and realizing how much time I spent with them compared to when I was working 50 hours a week. Sometimes, just getting their hugs when I was struggling renewed my sense of positivity, which lasted for days.
2: Create a strong support system.
Try to surround yourself with friends, family and other people with cancer who support and understand you. The unwavering support I received from my friend Greg, who changed his work schedule to shuttle me to radiation treatments for 60 days straight, is something I will never forget.
3: Set realistic goals and celebrate achievements.
It was helpful for me to break down my journey into manageable stages. I would set realistic goals and celebrate my successes, whether it was completing treatment milestones or spending quality time with my loved ones. When I finished my eighth month of chemotherapy and still had several months to go, I participated in a nationwide pool tournament. I am a pretty competitive pool player, but I had never participated in a tournament in the midst of cancer treatment. It made me feel like myself again, not just "Tony with cancer." I didn't play as well as I could have by my standards, but I got a lot of encouragement and huge hugs and had a great time.
4: Prioritize self-care.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is essential. Take time to rest, engage in activities you love, and nourish your body with healthy foods. I had difficulty eating for much of the treatment, but I took healthy supplements and ate as much as I could. I also felt better when I bathed, practiced good hygiene and wore nice clothes (not just sweatpants).
5: Stay informed, but limit the information you take in.
I wanted to be informed and educated about my cancer and treatment options, but I didn't want to overload myself with too many details. I never researched online how to deal with brain cancer, but I always asked my doctors the questions I had written down each week.
6: Express your feelings.
It is normal to have moments of frustration, sadness or anger. Express your feelings to someone you trust or write down your thoughts in a journal. I did both and still see a therapist every two weeks to deal with the ongoing struggle I am facing with cancer.
7: Find joy in everyday moments.
In the midst of difficulties, I found joy in the small moments: laughter with my children, a beautiful sunset or a nice vacation with my loved ones. My father and brother took me to Lake Tahoe when I was sick and it was great. For a couple of weeks I forgot about cancer...sort of! These kinds of moments allow you to take a mental break and remind you of the beauty of life.
8: Engage in mindfulness.
Deep breathing, meditation or other mindfulness techniques can help you stay grounded, manage stress and improve your emotional resilience. My mother, a psychologist, taught me how to manage sleep problems and stress from an early age. You can learn stillness and deep breathing techniques online, but being disciplined and applying them to your daily routine could be a game changer, as it was for me.
9: Focus on what you can control.
Cancer may seem like an uncontrollable force, but you still have control over some aspects of your life. Focus on your daily choices, your attitude and your responses to challenges. I realized that my cancer was just that: mine. Everyone has their own struggles, and I felt it would be wrong to think that I was the only person in the world who was struggling, even if it felt that way at times. I controlled what made me feel comfortable every day and even turned off my cell phone for 6 months. It was my way of controlling my environment because I didn't want to be called every day.
10: Practice gratitude and imagine your legacy.
Even during my cancer journey, I recognized the efforts and donations that were happening around me. Many people went out of their way to help me when they could and I cannot thank them enough. I think that's why I started my nonprofit, the Tony Foundation. Well, I also started it because one of my best friends, Scott Patterson, kept asking me to use my story to help others. Every time I wanted to tell him to go away, I thought back to a "call from above" I received while recovering from brain surgery. It might have been from my grandfather, who was my best friend and, like me, had several tumors (and three daughters). It hit me like a ton of bricks, and the message was that it was no longer about me: "You will use your story to do something that will change the lives of others."
Leaving a legacy for my three children was something I often thought about when I was going through treatment. Not knowing what my life would be like in the future made me think about what I really wanted for my children and also how I wanted to be remembered. I didn't want to be remembered for the amount of money I had earned. I wanted to be an example of how we can put others above ourselves.
With this inspiration in mind, I founded the Tony Foundation in 2018, and since then we have distributed nearly $1 million in grants to people with cancer. But I feel the journey has just begun. I hope you also have a calling and decide to do something special for others, because at the end of our lives, I believe these are the things that will really leave a legacy.
The author has no relevant relationships to disclose.
The 10 Things That Helped Me Cope With My 2 Cancer Diagnoses: A Survivor’s Story
